


Inside, My Heart is Breaking

by FireyLupJeans



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, August writing prompts, Comfort/Angst, Comforting Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Has Chronic Pain (Good Omens), Crowley's Fall (Good Omens), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, The Fall - Freeform, archive warning is really just for the beginning, crowley opens up about his fall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-10 03:42:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20128789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireyLupJeans/pseuds/FireyLupJeans
Summary: The pain from Crowley's Fall is a constant reminder of the Heavenly love he no can no longer feel.





	Inside, My Heart is Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 2  
Hurt/Comfort
> 
> I'm overwhelmed by the positive response on my last fic, you guys are the best. Much love to you. Anyways, because of that, I'm even more excited and motivated to write, so here's the second prompt. Hurt/Comfort is my favorite to read and to write, so I hope you enjoy this one. And yes, another Queen lyric for a title.

When Raphael Fell, the crack of his spine resonated in the bottom of the pit, followed by a heart-wrenching scream. He lay motionless on the rough ground, gasping for breath and trying to gain control of his trembling body. After what felt like hours, Raphael was able to push himself up and over so he was laying on his stomach. He began coughing, each one sending blinding pain through his body, until he tasted blood. He needed to get out of here, but his body wouldn’t let him stand.

He didn’t know how he managed to think of it, as his mind was foggy, and he was becoming quite exhausted, but he remembered he was a healer up above. Maybe he could still harness those powers. With another cry, he reached behind himself and placed a shaking hand on his back. He could feel blood and the bones under his skin cracked out of place. Wincing, he squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to channel the healing properties that had coursed through his body.

The feeling was a mix of tingling relief and searing pain as he willed his bones back into place. It only took a few moments for Raphael to realize he was too weak to heal himself any more, but he had done just enough to be able to crawl away, following the faint scent of must and sulphur.

*****

When he changed out of the form of a snake to greet the angel standing watch on the garden wall, his balance was a bit off, and he stumbled slightly has he stepped closer to the angel. The pain, however, was nowhere near as severe as it had been some time ago.

Many times, he would take a few minutes to press a bit of healing grace into his body. As time went on, however, that power grew weaker. He knew why, though it saddened him to acknowledge it. Every moment that passed, his spirit drifted farther away from who he had been in Heaven. He took advantage of every ounce of power he could manage until it was no more. Even though the pain was more tolerable than that first day, it still hurt to walk or stand for more than a few minutes at a time, and the pain would eventually become unbearable if he wasn’t able to sit and rest for a bit.

He was able to keep this fact from a certain oblivious angel for thousands of years. That is, until the day the two of them switched bodies to avoid the wrath of Heaven and Hell. That night, in the demon’s apartment, he wasn’t able to suppress the wince of pain as he laid down in bed, both mentally and physically exhausted. The angel lying next to him furrowed his brow.

“Crowley,” he said softly. “What happened to you that causes you so much pain?”

Crowley closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that Aziraphale would have felt the pain in his body.

“It’s always been like that, Angel.” He pulled a blanket up around himself, not wanting to relive the memories again. Aziraphale seemed to understand that Crowley didn’t want to talk about the pain. What he had felt was overwhelming, and it tugged at the angel’s heart to realize that his companion had felt that pain every day of his existence.

He placed his hand on Crowley’s shoulder. “If there’s anything I can do to help you, dear, I’d be glad to help.” Crowley’s quiet groan was his only response before he faded into sleep.

*****

They were standing in the park one afternoon, near the duck pond. Aziraphale tossed bits of bread to the ducks while Crowley chewed the inside of his cheek, missing a certain century where canes were high fashion. When Aziraphale had asked if he was sure he was feeling up for a walk in the park, Crowley insisted he would be okay. Lately, the pain in his back was flaring up more often, resulting in the two of them spending most nights in. He felt bad, knowing how Aziraphale enjoyed going out, no matter how hard he tried to convince Crowley that he’d rather stay in with the demon and keep him company.

So Crowley had determined to spend the afternoon in the park, and watching the joy radiate off Aziraphale nearly distracted him from the pain growing evermore present. Nearly. He could feel his legs starting to shake, struggling to stay standing and keep his balance, and his breathing was becoming more ragged. Aziraphale hadn’t noticed anything, however, and Crowley would never voluntarily disrupt the angel.

As Aziraphale tossed the last bits of bread to the expectant ducks, he hummed softly. “What would you say to an ice cream, my dear?”

Taking note of his lack of appetite, Crowley responded, “I think I’ll pass today, but you can go ahead.”

Aziraphale turned to look at Crowley. Despite the fact that the demon never ate as much or as often as he did, Crowley almost never passed on an ice cream. But as he took a moment to look at Crowley, he could tell that something was wrong.

“Crowley, are you quite alright? You don’t look well.” When Crowley nodded his head, setting off a nauseating dizziness, he wavered a bit, and Aziraphale put a hand on his shoulder to steady him. “Would you rather we go home?”

“I think I just need to go sit for a minute,” he said, turning towards the park bench a few yards away. He wasn’t prepared for the sharp pain that followed his movement, and he stumbled to the side. Aziraphale caught him, steadying Crowley.

“Crowley, we really must get you home so you can rest.” Aziraphale insisted, wrapping his arm under Crowley’s and leading him gently to the street, where a cab was miraculously just pulling up. He helped Crowley into the back seat and then went around to the other side, directing the driver.

As he sat down in the back next to Crowley, he saw the demon’s head tipped back, looking up to the sky as if there wasn’t a roof above him. There were tears silently falling from the corners of his eyes.

“I just wanted to give you a day out.” His voice was a shaky whisper.

“It’s alright, dear,” Aziraphale assured. He reached over and held Crowley’s hand. `Crowley just closed his eyes and squeezed the angel’s hand tightly.

Once they arrived back at the bookshop, Crowley clung to Aziraphale’s arm as the angel brought him inside and over to the large sofa in the back of the shop. They sat down, and Crowley leaned against the arm of the couch, eyes closed and a hand on his forehead.

“Can I get you anything, dear?” Aziraphale asked, to which Crowley just shook his head lightly.

“I’m sorry,” Crowley whispered. Aziraphale was about to assure him that he wasn’t upset, when he noticed Crowley was looking upwards again. And then, finally, a wave of understanding hit him.

He was talking to God.

Aziraphale took a deep breath and placed his hand on Crowley’s back, rubbing gentle circles. The demon startled slightly at the touch before relaxing slightly against it. There were a few minutes before Crowley’s voice, breaking with tears, shattered the silence.

“I don’t understand!” he cried, and Aziraphale couldn’t tell to whom he was talking. “How could I possibly have been so bad as to deserve this?” His gaze shifted down to the floor.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale said carefully. “Is this… Is your pain from… from your…”

“Yeah,” responded Crowley, sighing. “She just… let me fall. She left me all alone down there. In the dark, in pain.” He hesitated. “My wings burned, and I landed on my back. Heard every single bone break.” With a wince of pain, he leaned into Aziraphale, who continued to rub the demon’s back.

“And I figured,” Crowley continued. “If I could heal others up there, maybe I could still heal myself too. And it worked at first, but then…” another sob shivered through his body. “I couldn’t feel Her anymore one day. Like She was still there somewhat, but then She finally turned away, and I couldn’t do anything more for the pain.” He paused again, and Aziraphale could sense how hard it was for him to be talking about this. This was the first time he had really talked about the Fall.

“I just wanted to know more, how could asking a few questions warrant eternal suffering? Why would She leave me all alone?” His voice softened suddenly, to the point where Aziraphale could barely hear what he said next.

“I miss Her presence.”

Aziraphale’s heart ached for Crowley. He would never know how this felt, and it seemed unfair that anyone would have to know.

“My dear, I’m so sorry,” Aziraphale said, his voice as gentle and calming as possible. “I know it’s not the same, but I’ll stay with you. You don’t have to be alone here.” He knew that it could never compare to Her, but it was something.

“Thank you, Angel,” whispered Crowley, and Aziraphale felt his body relax under his arms. Soon enough, the demon had fallen asleep, tears stained on his cheeks, but at least he couldn’t feel the pain for the time being. Aziraphale breathed a sigh of relief. Of course he would never leave Crowley. He would be there for every good day and every bad one too. Crowley deserved happiness and to be loved, and he was going to make sure he felt that. Aziraphale hoped it would be enough to overpower the hurt. Love overcame everything; wasn’t that how all the stories ended?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still bad at endings whoops but I hope you liked this, kudos and comments are always appreciated and fuel my writing motivation. Much love :)


End file.
